HEAL-THY LIVING....

I was pondering the word "healthy" one day and I noticed the first four letters form the word h.e.a.l. Have you ever noticed that? How had I never seen that before?  I have been on a journey to become emotionally heal-thy most of my adult life.  Being the adult child of an alcoholic left me with an assortment of dysfunctional issues I didn't want to live with, nor did I want to pass crippling issues on to my children and grandchildren.  And I wanted to keep my marriage....I was not an easy woman to live with. God in His infinite mercy and grace began putting people and information in my path.  I was a sponge with a voracious desire to be whole and emotionally stable.  I have come to realize that there is no "arrival date" to the journey of emotional healing.  I am human. I fail. I sin. I hurt those I love.  The truth is...we are all human.  All people sin.  They fail. They hurt others. There will always be cause for more growth and healing.  Every day I have the choice to continue walking out my journey or drown in disillusionment, bitterness, unforgiveness, apathy, selfishness and disappointment.

Currently, my heal-thy focus has become my physical well-being.  Being a caregiver for a loved one as I have been and continue to be, can take its toll mentally, emotionally, and physically. Hours upon hours sitting at a bedside, juggling other responsibilities, poor nutrition and lack of exercise can leave a person vulnerable to physical breakdown. Stress can become a silent killer. I do not want to become another statistic.

Web MD  lists the following ten diseases as being related to stress:

Heart Disease

Asthma

Obesity

Diabetes

Tension and Migraine Headaches

Depression and Anxiety

Gastrointestinal Problems

Alzheimer's

Accelerated Aging

Premature Death

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/10-fixable-stress-related-health-problems

Sometimes life and health issues require us to make decisions to let go of good things to be able to give ourselves wholeheartedly to the best things.  Why is the common greeting among people.."Are you staying busy?"  Are you considered a lazy slacker if you answer no?  My personal answer has become..."I'm as busy as I want to be."  That usually ends the shallow chit chat.  Well-known Bible teacher, Joyce Meyer, once made the point that we make our own schedules.  So why is there always complaining about being soooo busy?  WE choose our agendas.  WE are the ones who need to learn to say.."No."  

An important component of my getting heal-thy is weeding out of my schedule the activities and desires that may be good....but not for this time in my life. Life can easily become overgrown and scattered leaving one weary and worn.  That is no way to live....that is not living.  And most important...it is not how my Heavenly Father wants my life to be. The Holy Spirit writes these gentle words to you and me through the Old Testament Prophet, Isaiah.

The Lord will guide you continually,

giving you water when you are dry

and

restoring your strength.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like an ever-flowing spring.

Isaiah 58:11

NLT

I want to be a well watered garden....don't you?  I want to be guided by the hand of my loving Father who knows all and sees all. 

I pray you find the courage to begin your own journey of heal-thy.  May you make some space and time to sit quietly and ponder how you truly desire to live.  As you settle into a tucked away place I pray peace and stillness over your heart and soul. 

May your ears hear His voice saying...

"This is the way, walk in it,"

when you turn to the right or when you

turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:21

ESV

Leaving The Land of Numb......

I'm thinking we've all experienced The Land of Numb at some point in our lives....or will.  It's that place you seem exiled to when life becomes overwhelming and there's too much to process. You go numb...emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically.  Somewhere inside a switch is flipped and you enter into survival mode. All you can hope to do is put one foot in front of the other and do the necessary tasks for each day.  There are no thoughts of setting goals, writing five year life plans.  You can't even figure out how to get the bed made or a meal cooked let alone map out a five year plan.  

I am all too familiar with The Land of Numb.  I have resided there full time and part time for more years than I care to think about.  But getting older has given me pause for intentional reflection and purposeful soul searching.  I want to leave The Land of Numb....permanently... put a padlock on the gate and throw away the key.

A few weeks ago I read the following Scripture.  It changed my life...it changed my direction.

Deuteronomy 2:3

You have been going around this mountain

long enough!

Head north.

When my dad died a year ago I transitioned from full time caregiver to having an empty schedule and time that I had no idea what to do with. Then, as my grieving eased, I wanted to try everything...all at once.  My Pinterest boards exploded... gourmet cooking, gardening, getting fit and healthy, art journaling, knitting, travel, my list went on and on. Just as life was smoothing out, a careless driver made a left hand turn in front of my motorcycle riding husband and I found myself in The Land of Numb...again.

That was mid-September.  My husband is healing...slowly and painfully, but thankfully, healing.  Reading that Scripture was my wake-up call.  I'd been going in circles long enough...it was time to go in a different direction.  With that epiphany came the reality that I was going to have to choose what I really wanted for my life.  I arrived at the conclusion it is impossible to "have it all". Life is about choices, about deciding what you want to give your precious time to.

I'm not old (wink, wink)...but I'm now on the shorter end of my lifespan. I can no longer procrastinate with the words..."maybe one day".  It's time for change now.

Direction Change #1...Get Healthy. I want quality of life.  I want to travel, play with my grandchildren, be active.  I want strong muscles and joints. I want food to be fuel...not an idol or an addiction.  I've yo-yo dieted, tried all the current fad diets and gone through the phase of not caring a whit what food I ate or why I mindlessly ate it.  I have exercised diligently, then sporadically...then barely. I've lost forty pounds and gained thirty back.  The numb days of ignoring my health and abusing my body with food have ended.  It became necessary to admit I needed help to learn how to take care of myself, find that help, and begin living a different lifestyle. 

Direction Change #2....Dream. For a long time I haven't had the mental or emotional energy to consider what I really wanted to be when I grew up.  The Land of Numb makes no allowances for the freedom of dreaming.  Mere existence is the law of the Land.  Dreaming takes courage.  It requires me to know who I am and what my heart is passionate about.  Dreaming erases the boundaries of my comfort zones, exposes my vulnerabilities, and creates possibilities for failure. It means relationships will change with the risk of being misunderstood and judged.  But other people's opinions are not my responsibility.  I am pursuing what I believe I was destined to do and what makes my heart sing.

Direction Change #3....No More The Victim.  Our little community just lost a young wife and mother to colon cancer.  Her family is honoring her as they share how brave she was as she fought to fully live her life.  The quote below was on her social media page...inspiring....sobering...excuse-blasting.

Playing the victim is safe.  Being the heroine of my life demands being present to my life...taking responsibility for my choices...making the time to listen to my soul...choosing to celebrate my life, even the mundane... embracing the heartaches, sorrows, disappointments, joys...standing up tall, sometimes on wobbly legs, to face the challenges and hardships that will certainly appear. 

I've turned North....I'm giddy....I'm scared....I'm excited to get up in the morning to see what the day holds...I savor the newness....Every day is a Divine gift to be opened, explored and delighted in! Every sunrise carries the blessing to BE a gift to those whose lives touch mine.

TRIBUTE...

This handsome cowboy is my dad, Jerry.  One year ago today he went to be with Jesus.  I took this picture on Christmas Day, 2014.  He had suffered a stroke in mid-September, entered a long term care facility for his rehab, and had recovered remarkably well.  When I snapped this picture I was picking him up to bring him to our house for Christmas dinner.  He was so proud of himself that he had chosen a red shirt to wear for the day!  By midnight we were in the ER...he had had another stroke.  For the next three months, one month he and I in a hospital 100 miles from home, and 2 months in a different long term care facility in our home town, he would travel back in time and wander through memories from his past...from his childhood to his present condition.  I was the passenger in his journey...I listened and prayed as he seemed to reconcile every part of his life. I was the audience as he literally lived out the words of the old song, "Precious Memories".

The last 3 months of his life were traumatic for both of us. After almost 30 years of seizures, brain bleeds and mini-strokes he had developed a condition called Frontal Temporal Dementia along with Sundowners Syndrome.  As the doctor described it...his brain tissue was now like swiss cheese.  His behavior was erratic and combative and he never stopped moving and walking...only when his body finally gave in to exhaustion did he ever sleep.  He rarely ate or drank. The sedatives were inadequate. He was bed-ridden the final thirteen days and I only went home to sleep and shower. His last three days I slept in the room.  I continued to talk to him about family and memories... because one of the most important things I learned in nursing school was this....they can hear to the end, even though they are unresponsive physically. I held his hand, stroked his cheek, kissed his forehead, told him I loved him, told him he would soon see Jesus.  Over the years when we had talked about his faith and his personal relationship with Jesus, his face would light up, his eyes would well up with tears and he would let me know his heart was full and he was at peace.

At 6:30 pm...sundown... Monday, March 30, 2015, my dad took his last breath.

Sundown...March 30, 2015

Gary and I were with him.  It was a holy, sacred home-going.  I envisioned the moment he took that last breath of air...he stepped into eternity....whole...healed...dancing...(he loved to dance) ... singing...(he had a beautiful voice which had been lost to the repeated brain traumas.)

I felt like Jesus was waiting on the other side of the bed with open arms to welcome my dad home and tell him..."Well done, good and faithful servant."

LOVE SONG - 4 / Freedom

Freedom...what does it mean to you?  What images come to your mind when you hear the word?  How do love and freedom work together?

In my last post I shared Galatians 5:1 from the Message Bible...
"Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you."

Once we find ourselves free ...what then?  What are we to do with our new found freedom?  The fifth chapter of Galatians continues on to reveal a pathway of how to flourish and thrive in our life without chains...
"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.  Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to and destroy your freedom.  Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love, that's how freedom grows.  For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence.  Love others as you love yourself.  That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out...in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?"

How does a person learn to love themselves so they can love others in healthy, life giving ways?  May I suggest that forgiveness is what makes it possible  to love ourselves.  I free myself to love by forgiving myself for my failures...forgiving others for intentionally or unintentionally wounding me (with or without their remorse or apology)...and I forgive God for what I have perceived to be His abandonment and rejection.

Freedom is being able to release people and situations that I absolutely have no control over. The freedom to love sprouts, grows, blooms and bears fruit only if I am willing to forgive.

I just finished a book by Seth Haines, titled..."A Story of Faith COMING CLEAN". It is a journal of sorts of his first 90 days of sobriety. "The Healing" is a series of chapters of his journey through forgiveness. He writes this profound sentence on day sixty-four ..."Without forgiveness, there is no meaningful way to move into healing and peace."

Do you thirst for healing and peace?  Are you willing to forgive?  Are you ready to let go of people or emotions that have kept you imprisoned?

I want you to know that my heart aches for you to be free. We are all bound by something. My prayer is that you will find the life and truth in the words below releasing you from the disappointments of the past, the unknown fears of the future and give you the strength to walk peacefully in the gift of the present...and remember...He is ever singing a love song over you...

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing."

Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

LOVE SONG - 3 / Rescued

Jesus, Liberator of Women.  Now that's a headline!  Some of you reading along know that statement to be true because of your personal life story.  Others of you may have just had your feathers ruffled a bit.  Hang in there with me....don't confuse the failures of organized religion with the truth of who Jesus is and what He came to do for you and for me.

The Scriptures are rich with story after story of women who were trapped in their circumstances, without hope of a future, and then rescued into a new beginning. One of my favorite rescues in the Old Testament is Rahab the Prostitute. You can find her story in Joshua, chapters two and six. But for me, her crowning glory is finding her mentioned again in the New Testament in Matthew 1:5.  She is listed in the family tree of Jesus.  Let that sink in for a minute....a prostitute named in the genealogy of Jesus Christ.  And she isn't the only woman listed with a "tarnished reputation".  God has established over and over again that He delights in rescuing and restoring His daughters.

Do you remember the woman caught in adultery in John, chapter 8?  The jealous religious leaders of the day sought to use her to trap Jesus.  Instead, they were humiliated and she was freed to start a new life.  How her heart must have experienced confused joy as she realized she had escaped being stoned to death, her accusers were gone, and Jesus released her with the words..."Neither do I condemn you." "Go, and from now on do not sin anymore."

And can you guess who was the first to be given an angelic tour of the empty tomb that no longer held Jesus?  And who did the risen Jesus appear to first and give the honor of announcing His resurrection to the disciples? Well...women of course!  You can find their story in Matthew 28.

 And then there's me.  You see, I'm no different than Rahab the Prostitute, the woman caught in adultery, or Mary Magdalene, who Jesus delivered from seven demons.  I also needed to be set free from my own path of self-destruction. Freedom isn't a piece of paper, a law, a right.  True freedom is a condition of the heart. It is a gift to be accepted, unwrapped, opened, put on like a garment and lived in, day in and day out.  Freedom is turning away from attempting to be someone I'm not and embracing the truth of who God says I am in Jesus Christ. Galatians 5:1 in The Message Bible says it like this..."Christ has set us free to live a free life.  So take your stand!  Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you."  That's what Jesus was saying to the woman caught in adultery when He told her to go and sin no more and what He says to you and me..."Don't let yourself become a slave to people and things and emotions that will cripple and destroy you."

What might you need to be rescued from?  What is causing interference with your life and your relationships?  Grief?  Jealousy?  Fear?  Addiction?  Pride? Unforgiveness?  Anger?  Insecurity?  Know this, my friend....Jesus is pursuing you. He has loved you and pursued you your whole life.  He has your story of rescue and freedom ready to bestow upon you like a crown.  You only need to make the choice to stand still....

I'm praying for your heart this week. Will you pray for mine?  Join me next week as we figure out what to do with our freedom!

LOVE SONG - 2 / Fairy Tale Expectations

                                                                   

Our culture is saturated with fairy tales.  And Disney certainly found a way to tap into our fascination with damsels in distress... rescued by knights in shining armor... to ride off towards the sunset into their happily ever after.  Interestingly, a modern spin of an old classic is always popping up to entice a new generation.  And lest we think we've outgrow fairy tales, aren't romance novels the adult version of the happily ever after?  Daytime and prime-time soap operas and reality TV shows such as the "Bachelor" capture our attention and can become surprisingly addictive. (I speak from personal experience!)

What draws us?  What hooks us? What keeps us coming back to the fantasies over and over again?  Is it the age old battle between good and evil?  The dream of adventure and exotic places?  The idea of being rescued from a boring and routine existence?  Can it be that romance appears to promise ultimate fulfillment and completeness?  To be pursued seemingly assures our heart that someone finds us desirable and worthwhile.  The butterflies in our stomach, the sweaty palms, and the racing heartbeat physically confirm how strongly we want to be loved and accepted.

We were created for relationship.  But the reality is, relationships are messy and sometimes hard. (And may I say that I look nothing like Cinderella at the Ball when I am angry and hurt.) Relationships, in all areas of our life, require nurture, time, forgiveness, diligence, and honesty.  

Early in our marriage I had expectations (now I just hope for the toilet lid to be down ...) before I came to the realization that Gary and I came into our marriage with baggage from our original households...as everyone does. We came from two very different backgrounds. I came from a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father and Gary's home was peaceful and calm but with other disruptive issues.  I naively thought he would "complete" me. 

It took years of emotional healing for me to grasp the truth that it is impossible for one human being to complete another.  It sounds lovely and eternal in a love song...but it is only a fairy tale.  The liberating truth is this...I am complete just the way God made me. Psalm 139:14 declares...."Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous."

When I accepted the truth that I am marvelous and complex, as God made me, I was freed from demanding someone else complete me and from thinking it was my responsibility to complete another person.

Next week join me (psst! sign up to have me arrive to your email address) as I share the stories of several broken women who were rescued and gifted with new beginnings.  LOVE SONG-3 / Rescued

LOVE SONGS...

Love Songs....

Music has power.  It has always been that way from the beginning of time and will always be that way. God created us to sing, to express joy, to dance and twirl, to weep.  Our voices and our bodies are designed to give expression to the emotions of our hearts.

I'm a 70's girl.  I survived my teen years... fell in and out of love (or what I thought was love)... suffered rejection... believed I wasn't "good enough"...graduated from high school... earned my LPN degree... got married...started a new job... had my first child... all to the music of the 1970's. Regardless of where I may be, if I hear the familiar melody of a song from the 70's, I find myself singing along. I respond from my soul to the music from some of the most formative, difficult years of my life.

Love songs, especially, go deep.  They speak to the intimate, secret places of our hearts. They can expose our darkest fears....fears of rejection...not believing we're good enough...abandonment...loneliness...shame.  

And love songs can create lasting memories.  They can imprint a moment onto our heart that will last forever.  My husband has a beautiful voice and sang Bobby Vintons' hit, "Every Day of My Life", to me on our wedding day. It was sweet and holy and many a wedding guest could be seen wiping tears from their eyes. (Isn't he handsome...check out those 70's sideburns!!)

In almost forty years of marriage I have come to wisely understand that love is not the words to a song, a feeling, a slogan, or an emotion.  It is a choice. Sometimes a very difficult, almost impossible choice.  And to be honest, sometimes I have not loved Gary well.  I have succumbed to selfishness and self-pity causing me to withdraw and guard my heart.  But the love I vowed on my wedding day anchors me, calls to me, and requires me to forgive, start over, be vulnerable, honest and open.

Sing along with me as we make our way through a four week series of seeking to love well and surrendering to being loved well in return.