LOVE SONG - 2 / Fairy Tale Expectations

                                                                   

Our culture is saturated with fairy tales.  And Disney certainly found a way to tap into our fascination with damsels in distress... rescued by knights in shining armor... to ride off towards the sunset into their happily ever after.  Interestingly, a modern spin of an old classic is always popping up to entice a new generation.  And lest we think we've outgrow fairy tales, aren't romance novels the adult version of the happily ever after?  Daytime and prime-time soap operas and reality TV shows such as the "Bachelor" capture our attention and can become surprisingly addictive. (I speak from personal experience!)

What draws us?  What hooks us? What keeps us coming back to the fantasies over and over again?  Is it the age old battle between good and evil?  The dream of adventure and exotic places?  The idea of being rescued from a boring and routine existence?  Can it be that romance appears to promise ultimate fulfillment and completeness?  To be pursued seemingly assures our heart that someone finds us desirable and worthwhile.  The butterflies in our stomach, the sweaty palms, and the racing heartbeat physically confirm how strongly we want to be loved and accepted.

We were created for relationship.  But the reality is, relationships are messy and sometimes hard. (And may I say that I look nothing like Cinderella at the Ball when I am angry and hurt.) Relationships, in all areas of our life, require nurture, time, forgiveness, diligence, and honesty.  

Early in our marriage I had expectations (now I just hope for the toilet lid to be down ...) before I came to the realization that Gary and I came into our marriage with baggage from our original households...as everyone does. We came from two very different backgrounds. I came from a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father and Gary's home was peaceful and calm but with other disruptive issues.  I naively thought he would "complete" me. 

It took years of emotional healing for me to grasp the truth that it is impossible for one human being to complete another.  It sounds lovely and eternal in a love song...but it is only a fairy tale.  The liberating truth is this...I am complete just the way God made me. Psalm 139:14 declares...."Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous."

When I accepted the truth that I am marvelous and complex, as God made me, I was freed from demanding someone else complete me and from thinking it was my responsibility to complete another person.

Next week join me (psst! sign up to have me arrive to your email address) as I share the stories of several broken women who were rescued and gifted with new beginnings.  LOVE SONG-3 / Rescued

LOVE SONGS...

Love Songs....

Music has power.  It has always been that way from the beginning of time and will always be that way. God created us to sing, to express joy, to dance and twirl, to weep.  Our voices and our bodies are designed to give expression to the emotions of our hearts.

I'm a 70's girl.  I survived my teen years... fell in and out of love (or what I thought was love)... suffered rejection... believed I wasn't "good enough"...graduated from high school... earned my LPN degree... got married...started a new job... had my first child... all to the music of the 1970's. Regardless of where I may be, if I hear the familiar melody of a song from the 70's, I find myself singing along. I respond from my soul to the music from some of the most formative, difficult years of my life.

Love songs, especially, go deep.  They speak to the intimate, secret places of our hearts. They can expose our darkest fears....fears of rejection...not believing we're good enough...abandonment...loneliness...shame.  

And love songs can create lasting memories.  They can imprint a moment onto our heart that will last forever.  My husband has a beautiful voice and sang Bobby Vintons' hit, "Every Day of My Life", to me on our wedding day. It was sweet and holy and many a wedding guest could be seen wiping tears from their eyes. (Isn't he handsome...check out those 70's sideburns!!)

In almost forty years of marriage I have come to wisely understand that love is not the words to a song, a feeling, a slogan, or an emotion.  It is a choice. Sometimes a very difficult, almost impossible choice.  And to be honest, sometimes I have not loved Gary well.  I have succumbed to selfishness and self-pity causing me to withdraw and guard my heart.  But the love I vowed on my wedding day anchors me, calls to me, and requires me to forgive, start over, be vulnerable, honest and open.

Sing along with me as we make our way through a four week series of seeking to love well and surrendering to being loved well in return.